You’ll find me here
I inhabit the walls
And the surrounding air
I am in the stones
And the great black earth
My voice will echo
From the deep, cold well
While my footsteps
Are pressed into the wood
That runs along the floors
You’ll find me in memory
In the cherished times
And even in the regrets
And memories never made
You’ll find me in my words
Now scattered to the aether
I am where you look for me
I am where you’ll find me.
The night is the worst
When I’m left with
The isolation of my mind
With the world sleeping
I can hear its screams
Echoing off the walls
As i lie awake
Awaiting the day
And the dawn of hope
That rises with the sun
Finally picked up a new controller (Elite Core 2) and started playing The Blood of Dawnwalker vampire rpg…so far pretty awesome. Playing on Ultra settings at 1440.
Joy blossoms in the strangest places. I am grateful for the opportunity to feel joy in the midst of darkness. I am grateful to be able to share joy with someone who brings so much of it.
I reflect a lot these days about what and who i have since the untimely death of my little sister April. My good fortune is immeasurable.
To have the amazing family i have. To watch my children thriving and to have someone who i can be vulnerable with and who, in turn, it’s vulnerable with me… this is treasure held in your hand.
There is light in this home. There is laughter and love. What more can one ask for?
to my beautiful corvus
you four shining stars
that lighten my southern sky
as you rise in the spring
the brightest jewels
to ever cross my eye
i only have words to leave –
to kraz i say
do not be afraid
fear is the mind-killer
you know this
to algorab i say
remember this truth
you are loved
and you always will be
to minkar i say
you can do anything
failure is simply opportunity
to learn new ways
and to my precious gienah
who brought life
where once i was dead
you are complete
in who you are
and in all you do
a wonder to behold
now and forever
i love you all
may flights of ravens
sing you to sleep
it is true
that one can lose sight of the stars
if you were to fall into a black hole
forgetting that they are with you
the whole way to oblivion
never leaving you alone
If i could
I would take my anxiety
I would take my sadness
Out to the back yard
Strangle them
Shoot them in the head
And dump them in the well
If i could
I would
You,
You are but a shadow
Against this present light
A black, featureless silhouette
Without form or threat
Like a ghost outside the house
With no hope of entry
Fading away
In tears
I stumbled across this quote and it has lived in my head since:
“What you are unwilling to sacrifice is what you value most.” – Anonymous
It is worth pondering… ruminating on. With the recent death of my youngest sister I have been thinking about what and who I value most.
It occurs to me that this quote tells me that the things I am unwilling to sacrifice, even for something I deeply desire, are the things and people I most love.
It seems like common sense but I still find it helpful and hopeful.
