The Artist’s Desire to be Understood

“What am I in the eyes of most people? A nonentity…
Yet I want to show by my work what there is in the heart of such an eccentric man.” – Vincent Van Gogh

“Art is a human activity consisting in this, that one person consciously… transmits to others feelings he has experienced,
and that other people are infected by these feelings.” – Leo Tolstoy

“I paint self-portraits because I am so often alone, because I am the person I know best.” – Frida Kahlo

“There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed.” – Ernest Hemingway

“Vulnerability is the birthplace of creativity. Connection is why we’re here.” – Brene Brown

“You think your pain and your heartbreak are unprecedented in the history of the world, but then you read.” – James Baldwin

“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.” – Maya Angelou

“To be an artist means never to avert one’s eyes.” – Madeleine L’Engle

“The hardest thing is to do something which is close to your heart, exposing yourself to vulnerability.” – Marina Abromovic

“This is no book, Who touches this touches a man.” – Walt Whitman

“I’m so unused to being—well, understood, perhaps…” – Vladimir Nabokov

The artist’s almost pathological need to be understood is like the sudden, insane, illogical desire of a soldier in the trenches of war to stand up and wave at the enemy only to have them lob a grenade into his midst killing them and everyone around them.

Some artists fulfil the need by taking another person, cutting them open and climbing inside of them to warm up from the cold of reality and existence…oblivious to the destruction they wreak upon the other.

Some artists do both.

The artist is mentally ill…everyone around the artist knows it, but not as well as the artist themself.

i have not wept

i am dull
to the pounding
of these storms
that should tear
me to shreds

i am concrete
poured into the valley’s end
stopping up the sea
on the other side,
unbreaking

i am a ghost
waiting outside myself
watching the world
dispassionately unfold
around me

as i stand in a pool of loss

knowing

i have not wept

lies

never think
you can escape
what you saw
as a child
to become

better

you are bound
in iron bands
to who you were
to what you saw
to what was done
and still being done
to you and to yours

cursed to live in delusion
a cockroach
treating leftover crumbs
given like a gifted cake
hiding in the dark
afraid of light
and what it exposes

you are the hand
tied behind the back
you are their happiness
ground to dust
and thrown in their eyes
blinding them from beauty
you are the shackled legs
of the prisoner
never escaping;
they are hobbled
because of you…

these are the lies
that tie us to the ground
and tear off our wings
that we might never fly again

but,
maybe we know better now

Mircale Grow

My column in this week’s Winkler Morden Voice and Altona Rhineland Voice newspapers.

For April

Bird Watching

Dogs

Some dogs eat scraps

Like it was fine dining

Happy in their self-deception

Failing to see

That stealing shreds of joy

Elevates nothing

In their dumpster life

As they choke on bones

Dying in the gutter

With a smile on their face

Concrete

Here i am

Where I belong

Ready

I am concrete

Time hardened

Everlasting

Commitment

Set in stone

the only thing

the only thing
more terrifying than death
is life
and if you can survive that shit
you can survive anything

There are Coyotes

There are Coyotes

Mourning the death of night

I hear them crying

Wailing in the distance

As though this coming sun

Signals the end of all things